I turned 59 in October. That’s just one year shy of “Holy crap, 60?!?!!?!”
One good thing about the modern era is that if you didn’t know you were getting older from the sagging, aching and worn-out parts you never used to have, you always have email.
I got a couple recently that I just know were meant for someone else.
I got one from the Premier Care in Bathing people, touting a walk-in shower. Correct me if I’m mistaken, but aren’t most showers walk in? in.”
In the email was a picture of an old guy in a bathrobe, towel up to his head like he was cleaning his ear, a slight smile, or a look of confusion, on his face, not sure which, but it was not a very flattering old-guy shot. He was coming out of, or rather standing on, the walk-in shower. The ad said the shower is “commended by the Arthritis Foundation.” Commended? They ran out of space for the “Re?”
The ad said for a limited time, they’d chop $1,000 off the price. A grand? Off the starting price? Which they don’t list? Maybe that’s why the old guy had a look of confusion on his face, he realized how badly he got screwed on the shower he just stepped out of. Or was standing on. Not sure which.
Then a day later, another ad, this one from, I kid you not, “The Scooter Store,” which I’m guessing is right next to “The Depends-A-Bility Boutique,” hard by “Viagra Villa.” The scooter ad asked if I have health issues that limit my mobility. No, not physical health issues, but thanks for asking.
If they really want to sell these things, portray them as we’ve seen them, maybe with a fat guy wearing a flannel shirt in the chair with an oxygen tank strapped to the back, tubes up his nose, as he wheezes his way around the store getting in everyone’s way and on their nerves before rolling to the checkout line and taking 20 minutes to find exact change in his little plastic coin purse.
Perhaps the worst, but most well intended, was an email notice I got that the AARP is hosting a local driver-safety course in Mattapoisett Nov. 1 for, and lord, this hurts more than anyone less than this number will know, people over the age of 50.
Yes, 50. As in five zero. As in nine years ago for me. As in shut the hell up, AARP, and go after REALLY bad elderly drivers.
Most of these emails come with the direction that if you don’t want to get them anymore (Duh, ya think?) to click on a link to unsubscribe. Which I fully intend to do. The second I get stronger glasses to read the tiny $#%%$ print telling me where it is.
read the entire article in the Nov. edition of the South Coast Prime Times - (click on "Back Issues")
(Paul E. Kandarian can be reached at pkandarian@aol.com)
